


Everything I Didn't Say

by 5sass (JackoffBaratwat)



Series: 10 Song, 10 Fics [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: First Date, Fluff, Love, M/M, Mute - Freeform, So yeah, and 10 more chapters will come, i try okay, please read this, you'll make a dork happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 04:01:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2837306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackoffBaratwat/pseuds/5sass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke is mute, Ashton is cute. </p><p>// Or the one where this is 'Love Actually'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything I Didn't Say

Luke was used to it by now.  
The panicked wide eyes whenever he couldn't answer a question, the confused looks he'd get; furrowed brows and parted lips.  
He was used to the pity and the embarrassment, used to being pushed around and being told to, 'Just talk', as if it was that easy.  
But people didn't understand. 

He'd made it to eighteen, gradually getting used to all these things, and carrying around a notebook and pen around to talk. He even now carried around a now crumpled piece of paper with the worlds 'Sorry, I'm mute', on it, and on the flip side 'I can't talk', scrawled in his best handwriting for when people didn't know what being mute was. While he'd had to get used to many things being mute, he didn't think he'd get used to the way peoples voices changed when they found out. The way they'd speak slower as if he didn't understand, and how they'd talk to him like he was an infant.  
Everyone did it, even if they didn't mean to. It was only his family that treated him like a human being. And Calum, his best friend from back home, but he doubted he'd see much of him now they were going away to university. It's not that they hadn't been close, it's just that people tending to drift apart when they weren't in close proximity every day. It was a shame really. Calum had been like a brother to Luke, and he knew he'd really miss him if they didn't stay in contact; they'd always had a laugh even if Luke's words had been written not spoken. 

That was another thing. Despite being unable to talk, Luke could laugh. He could make noises that were fundamentally laughs, chuckles and giggles, which means he isn't completely void of vocal chords.  
That's a great thing, right?  
Well, yeah, he can laugh, but he still couldn't form words, and for a long time that really frustrated Luke, because he could clearly do some things.  
He'd decided to abandon the anger on that front though, because lets face it, if he hasn't muttered a word in eighteen years, he doubts he will now. In regards to his 'mute-ness', he found that not attempting to make friends made like a whole lot easier.  
So when he left home to go to university, he was in with a spectrum of people he didn't know, and hopefully wouldn't have to know. 

Until he found out he had a roommate. 

They wouldn't really be his roommate, they had separate rooms, but instead of both having a door leading on to the corridor, they had one main door and a door that joined the two rooms together. So basically whoever had the further room, wouldn't be disturbed every time the other one went to their room. And his roommate had already unpacked in the furthest bedroom.  
Fan-fucking-tastic. Luke sat on his bed and put his head between his hands, exasperated. Another person he'd have to deal with.  
Luke went about putting things in their place soon after his roommate didn't magically appear.  
Socks and underwear had designated draws, and his books were sorted by height on his shelf. He had a feeling it wouldn't stay that neat for long. His thoughts drifted to his roommate, and who they would be. Preferably a girl. He thought. And one with a lot of friends and wont have anytime for him. Or the male version of that. Just so long as he was left alone.  
He thought about going to the student council and pleading for a single room; surely his disability would strengthen his case, but he decided against it. He'd unpacked and put away all his stuff, and besides, he quite liked his little room. A single bed leaned against a white wall with light wooden shelves; the same light wood that his bedside table and spacious wardrobe were made off. Plus there was the fact that wherever he went, he'd still have the same awkward not quite conversations, so why delay it?  
He thought back to his roommate and decided he didn't care if they were popular or not, because when people found out about his lack of speech, they usually left him alone anyway, like he was a freak.  
Well, I am. He thought, benevolently.  
Isn't it freakish to be unable to talk?  
He wanted to scream. Why couldn't he make himself talk?  
People would be surprised by how many times he'd asked himself that. 

He'd only been here a few hours, but he already found himself missing home. He knew he was a huge mummy's boy (why deny it?) but he didn't think to home sickness would come on this quickly.  
Bored, sad and alone, Luke threw his head back against the pillow and fell into an anxious sleep. 

 

"Shush!" a voice giggled ironically loudly, turning a key in the lock.  
If the 'shush!' hadn't already woken Luke up, the way a person fell over with a thud because they'd been leaning on the now open door sure would have done.  
The floor person cackled, but was regarded with a sharper "Shush!" The giggling stopped and the people went into the other dorm room, closing the door with a snick.  
There was no point going back to sleep now he was awake. He'd only intended to have a nap anyway. He was a little pissed that he hadn't even met his roommate yet, and they'd brought a fuck buddy back at- he glanced at his phone- eleven fifty.  
Shit, he'd been asleep for seven hours, so much for a nap. He turned his light on and began to scroll through his notifications, when the door opened halfway and a curly head peaked through. The boy spotted Luke, and walked into the room, closing the door behind him and leaning on it.  
He was wearing a white t-shirt and black skinnies, an outfit Luke has worn multiple times himself, but he didn't pull it off in the same way. The boy looked apologetic, wincing every so often, and ringing his hands like he'd been sent to the Dean's office. He was tall, but probably shorter than Luke, but definitely stronger; decent arm muscles, leg muscles, and the tightness of his t-shirt told Luke that he was probably packing a four pack. Luke felt inadequate in more ways than one. 

"Shit, I thought we might have woken you up, sorry. My friend- the really drunk one- locked himself out of his dorm so I said he could sleep on the floor." He scratched his head. "I'm Ashton by the way."  
Luke nearly sighed and grabbed the notebook.  
'HI, IM LUKE', he wrote, and held it up. Ashton cocked his head, confused. '  
IM MUTE'. Ashton's eyes widened.  
"Oh, okay, sorry. I should have guessed that from the sign-" he stopped suddenly, eyes wide again.  
"Can you sign? Like sign language?" Luke nodded. Ashton grinned.  
He singed, 'SO CAN I'.  
Luke was amazed. Sure his family could sign- they'd leant when he'd been little and unable to talk, but Calum hadn't been able to, neither had any of his other 'friends' he'd had before. He knew from experience that signing made everything so much easier.  
'I LEARNT THIS ON A WHIM REALLY, THIS AND LATIN' he laughed 'THEY HAVENT COME IN HANDY UNTIL TODAY'.  
'I CANT IMAGINE LATIN WILL EVER COME IN HANDY REALLY'. Luke replied.  
'OH WELL NOW YOU'VE DASHED MY DREAMS' they both laughed.  
'IS YOUR FRIEND OKAY?'  
Ashton spoke this time. "Who, Mikey? He'll live. He'll have one hell of a hangover tomorrow, but it's nothing he can't handle." Luke smiled.  
'WERE YOU FRIENDS BEFORE YOU CAME HERE OR DID YOU MEET RECENTLY?'  
"Long term friends" Ashton laughed. "He says he's only here for freshers week and the student discount, but he's actually doing sociology."  
'THAT'S COOL. WHATS YOUR MAJOR?'  
"Don't laugh, okay? I'm a physics major." Luke's eyes widened.  
'OKAY PETER PARKER, I GUESS YOURE PRETTY SMART THEN'  
"Only at physics, my friend, only at physics. What's your major?"  
'ENGLISH LANGUAGE' Ashton laughed.  
"Nerd."  
'OH SHUT UP'. Luke laughed too.  
"Okay, I'm gonna check that sleeping beauty hasn't chocked on his vomit- do you wanna hang out tomorrow?"  
Luke found himself signing yes. 

Luke went back to sleep a few hours later, sleeping through until about nine, fully rested and ready for doing fuck all.  
He considered watching something; there was a TV at the end of the dorm, like a communal room, but he doubted anyone would be there with it being a Saturday and nine am. Or at least he hoped. So he grabbed his notebook- habit, and headed down the corridor.  
But sat there was Ashton and a bright red haired boy watching- Nemo?- and they had spotted him.  
"Luke!" Ashton shrieked. "This is the very hung over Michael Clifford. He's in pain. Please no sudden movements or loud bangs."  
'AT LEAST I CANT SHOUT'. He signed. Ashton laughed loudly.  
"Dude... no." Michael clutched his head.  
'SO PRESUMABLY SLEEPING BEAUTY DIDN'T CHOKE ON HIS VOMIT'.  
"Correct, Lukey, he is breathing uncomfortably and watching a film about a clownfish with me. Join us?" Luke shrugged. He didn't have anything else to do. He quickly wrote a note and gave it Michael.  
It said: Hi Michael I'm Luke and I'm mute and I guess I'm watching Nemo with you?" Michael smiled and nodded.  
"Yeah I know who you are. Ashton told me. Said you were wild in the sac."  
Luke laughed and wrote another note: Yeah definitely. I can see why he would say that.  
"Get comfy Luke, he's about to touch the butt." Michael rubbed a seat between him and Ashton.  
"I'd say call me Mikey, but..." Michael, or Mikey gestured to Luke.  
"Michael!" Ashton exclaimed, mockingly outraged.  
Luke just laughed and signed to Ashton 'OR I COULD JUST REFER TO HIM AS ASSHOLE' Ashton laughed. Michael looked between them.  
"What? I demand you to tell me what you said. Oh my god, its like Morse code all over again." The three boys laughed until Nemo touched the butt. 

The ended up watching the films like this every day for a week: Luke was leaning against Ashton, fully pressed against his body, and Michael's head was in Luke's lap. It was very intimate considering one of them hadn't even spoken to the other two more than a week ago. They watched an array of tear-jerking Disney films each morning at nine, vowing to meet at the same place every day.  
Luke felt himself growing attached to Michael, and especially attached to Ashton. It was like they had a special connection, and not in a weird way. Their relationship was changing, Luke could tell by the way he'd watch that strip of skin whenever Ashton stretched, and then chastise himself after. He knew he was Gay, he'd known for years, but he'd never act on this attraction, or probably any other. He'd just stay single forever. Who'd want him? 

Friday morning, nine am, and Luke, Michael and Ashton were watching Bambi. Luke had seen it dozens of times before and so had Michael, but Ashton clearly hadn't because they were sat in their usual formation and Luke could feel Ashton's body quivering with effort not to cry. He looked up at him and had to supress a smile. His lower lip was snagged between his teeth and a single tear had escaped his wide eyes. Luke manoeuvred his body and wiped it away.  
Ashton looked down at him, shocked. He obviously hadn't been expecting Luke to do that, and honestly, Luke hadn't expected himself to do that. He stared at Luke intently, like he was trying to figure him out. And then glanced down at his mouth.  
Whoa. Luke sat up so fast he nearly broke his neck and Michael's at the same time.  
"What... just happened?" Michael asked, clutching his neck.  
Luke's heart was racing with panic, so he just signed at Ashton 'I FORGOT I HAVE SOMETHING TO DO'. And left without a second glance. 

He practically ran to his dorm and jumped down on his bed, face down, basically eating the pillow. He didn't even know why he'd freaked out, nothing was or would have happened, so why had he felt the need to get out of there? He hadn't been expecting Ashton to think of him like that- it was a sexual look there was no doubt about it, and if Luke's being honest, then deep down he had already guessed the reason.  
He was a massive virgin who'd never had his first kiss- because who'd want to kiss a kid who can't talk?- and he'd scarpered when things had gotten intimate.  
He banged his face into the pillow.  
Amazing.  
And then the door swung open, because shit, in his haste to self pity, he'd forgotten to lock it, and Luke craned his neck to see Ashton staring at Luke.  
"I just wanted to apologise and explain. Your probably not even gay, and I'm really glad you moved, because I may have kissed you and you would have been ridiculously uncomfortable and it would have been the end of our friendship so I'm sorry. I'm a shitty friend and I'm sorry for almost making a move. I promise it wont happen again."  
And then he spun on his heel and left, leaving Luke to think things over.  
He liked Ashton. Who was he kidding? The only reason he'd freaked out was because he was new to this whole dating and kissing thing. And at least now he knew Ashton liked him back, but he may be somewhat put off by the way Luke was prepared to kill Michael in an attempt to get away from his mouth.  
The door opened again and Luke was prepared to explain himself to Ashton.  
But it wasn't Ashton.  
It was Michael.  
"Look, I'm not going to pretend I know anything about your relationship with Ashton, or being gay in general, but I'm not stupid and I've seen the way you look at him when he's not looking. He does it to you. And just guessing here, and I'm betting you have some serious self esteem issues with the whole mute thing, and that's why you pushed him away and nearly broke me. I'm also, not going to tell you how to live your life, but Ashton is an amazing person, and he's real pretty, and he likes you for who you are. So get your shit together and get together, okay? Because you'll regret it if you don't."  
And then he left.  
Luke had agreed with everything Michael had said, and that's when he realised he had to do something. And then an idea popped into his head. 

 

Luke had everything planned out. Ashton was in his room; they hadn't spoken since, but Ashton had walked past Luke to get to his room.  
Luke was wearing a tuxedo- he blamed bad rom-coms, and he had the A4 sheets of paper written and ready for his little performance. His hands were shaking, and he was a little worried about how long he'd have to keep each slide up for, because what if he changed it too quick?  
But he just shook the thought from his mind and knocked on Ashton's door. It took a few seconds for him to answer, but when he did, the whole thing was worth it just to see the way his eyes widened in his penguin onesie.  
Luke took a deep breath and held up the first slide. 

'IM AN IDIOT'

'IM SORRY I PUSHED YOU AWAY AND MADE YOU FEEL CRAPPY' 

'BUT I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THE SITUATION' 

'YOU SEE, I HAVEN'T HAD MY FIRST KISS' Ashton looked up at him and Luke just shrugged. 

'SO I PANICKED AND RAN AWAY' 

'NO ONES EVER BEEN INTERESTED IN ME BEFORE' 

'BECAUSE OF THE WHOLE 'I CAN'T TALK' THING' 

'SO I WASN'T EXPECTING IT FROM YOU' 

'BUT I DID WANT IT' 

'AND I MESSED IT ALL UP' 

'SO WHAT IM TRY TO SAY IS...' 

'WOULD YOU MAYBE WANNA GO ON A DATE SOMETIME?' Ashton looked at him and just smiled.  
Luke held up the last slide. 

'PS, IM TOTALLY GAY' 

Ashton just laughed and pulled him in for a hug. He didn't say a word, because sometimes, you don't need to say a thing.


End file.
